I often find myself frustrated by my own difficulty to communicate, because I only know that I am bad at it but not in what way or why or how to fix it.
Frequently, when communicating online, I will write something and multiple people will respond to it wildly misinterpreting what I said. They will respond to things I did not say instead of things that I did say, and I don't know where to go from there. I didn't say that. It is especially annoying when I ask a question and they give me an answer that is unrelated.
When I'm writing or talking, I am generally doing my best to communicate as clearly as I can, so I have a really hard time when it seems that I need to rephrase or clarify something. What I said was me clarifying, and I don't know a better way to say it. If I did, I would have done it in the first place!
Maybe it's something about my typing style, or the way I phrase things, or punctuate? I really don't know. Maybe this happens to everyone all the time and other people just aren't especially bothered by it. It feels like it happens to me more often than it happens to other people, but I am myself and not other people so who can say?
I want to correct people when they do this, but I just don't really know how, because I already said what I said and they didn't read it, so what's the point? If they aren't going to actually listen to me, then that's how it is, you know?
It is what it is. Shikataganai. Etc.
I've never been someone who posts a lot or socializes a lot online. It's a little weird, maybe, that I'm so bad at talking online when I'm online all the time and have been for 20+ years. Something has just never clicked, I guess! I'm not good at IRL socializing, either. I think I might be better at it than with online stuff, though. Or maybe I just do it less, ha!
I think everybody feels alienated socially sometimes. Or most people, anyway. Being a person is alienating, and at some point in life you're going to find yourself surrounded by people who seem really different from you in ways that are hard to wrap your head around. Based on my observations of pop culture, at least, it's normal to feel weird or lonely or left out or like nobody understands you or you're really different from everybody else. I try not to let myself get too wrapped up in that feeling. I have it a lot, but I don't think it's a good thing to dwell on or indulge. I am just some guy; everybody else is also just some guy.
Hmm... not a very interesting blog post, this one, but it's something that's been stuck in my craw for a while now so it was nice to articulate the thought! Now it will hopefully be unstuck and I can become less bothered about it. It really isn't a big deal at the end of the day. If it keeps bothering me a lot, I can simply choose not to say anything and thus nip the possibility of a frustrating interaction in the bud. The benefit I get from posting is pretty minimal and I really don't do it much, so it's hardly a ~sacrifice.~
Generally speaking, as a broad habit, I am trying to work on being less avoidant, especially in social situations, buuuut I think I am discovering that online socializing is simply "not for me" in a very neutral way that is not necessarily something I have any interest in trying to "fix." I could keep waffling about it and wondering if maybe I just haven't found the right place ~perfect for me~ yet, but I think it makes more sense to just decide that it is not my thing. I can remain open to the possibility that someday I will blossom into a beautiful social flower in the online garden of an as-yet-undiscovered community and still be reasonable with myself.